shall i, or shall i not?..
i dont want to be irresponsible here. really. i hate it this way. i know i should clear things up. but im just afraid.
it's been months already, yet i always feel so disturbed on and off. especially after his calls and msgs. im not without feelings. in fact, i feel guilty.
as i've said, i hate the feeling of being irresponsible and i seriously know that i should give him an explanation. but how? lie to him to hide my selfish thoughts? or simply tell him everything and plunge myself into this again? he'll loathe me. i was selfish, i admit. i sacrificed him to ease my guilt towards another him at that time.
i was wrong. though i should have done this, i just realized this isnt the right way to. am so sorry. but i thought after some time, perhaps just a month, he'll give up already. i really didnt expect that till now after 5months, he's still trying. all my fault, i confess.
ok, straightforward and direct choices for me now; -tell him im guilty of everything. -a wide lie to him and put this to an end. -or just continue avoiding him altogether.
i think i'll probably take the second choice, but will give myself another day to decide. gotta consider wisely, else i'll end up making the wrong choice again.
*my friends who have read this, and though out of concern, pls dont ask me anything abt it. im sorry, not trying to be secretive. so pls dont feel offended. but i just want to keep the details to myself. supposingly, this post is just my way of expressing my feelings. thank you.
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