not going to attend school today. it's 7 o'clock in the morning now and i know i cant get back to slp again. so much thoughts in my mind that they're suffocating me.
he called again last night and i learnt from him that beng's got a new girlfriend again. and i seriously hope that he's in for real this time round, no more playing out with girls. he's old enough to go into a stable, serious relationship now. *wish him well* and also, jasmine's moving out of seng kang real soon. i cant imagine her staying right at woodlands. and all of a sudden, i felt like im really left alone now.
no one seems to bother abt those memories we had in the past. perhaps only 'him', and myself? all had left. and certainly for good. they have their own new lifestyle to lead now. beng, jasmine, liping, farliana, laiqing, jasper, ah da and ppl like joey, baowen ah teck, yunghao, wei sin and the others. yup, who am i to judge when i myself left 3 years ago too? but at least i always have the intention to return all this while.
ok, right from the beginning... when i entered into the seng kang circle, we hanged out at 303. all were our own ppl, old and original. beng, joey, bing kwang, ah loon ++ and all the younger batch like jasper, jasmine, cinta, laiqing, ah da and of course, myself. then when we joined 260, i left church. then we got to know those original 260 ppl as well. leslie, ah teck, wei sin, gina, evelyn, ah jay, serene and all. there was so much trouble over there, but we were all happy. we hung around there often but some of the times, we'd still go over to 303 and 314. and i had so much freedom. i used to openly like beng even after we broke off. i dont have to hide, everybody knew. now, i even have to repress those feelings i have for the someone. it's so different.
though many unhappy incidents took place at 260, i was still glad to stay on there. it seems to be my 2nd home. in fact, i spent more time there than staying at home some of those days. then when the most serious trouble came when i heard that someone was killed somewhere around there, police were all around. to avoid more trouble, we left for 303 again. but this time round, we had the 260 ppl with us. most were harmonious and happy. i can still recall those nights when we climbed through the gates of nan chiau high to get drinks. lols. we really had lots of fun together. then went on to 117 and not all returned to 260. well, of course i went back too. but many of my good friends were gone. jasmine, liping, farliana and some others, they stayed on at 117. so we some-sort-of 'parted our ways' la. and i joined the 'new' seng kang sec ppl. they were nice too. all serene's friends.
now that things have to turn around so differently, i feel so strange. i used to see jasmine and the others right at 303 or that we dont even have to ask if any of us were going to any of the bball courts, it was just like a daily routine. contrary to the past, she'll even be out of here soon. and it's really sad to learn that most of my 'old friends' have changed. really changed. i used to think that i could return to the old life easily, just that it's still not time yet. now i know, i cant. the feeling is so different. when we had a choice and COULD CHOOSE not to go back to the past, we'd be happier thinking we had that choice. but when we dont, we'd long to go back and even wished that we had nv left. it's difficult to accept the fact that the places that once 'belonged' to us had been taken over by others already. and it's also hard to let go of the past and tell myself that all should really be left as memories already.
