♥ The Sozo-fied Child ♥

Sunday, July 27, 2008 ♥

Wah, so surprising.
Suddenly there are my dear peeps tagging at my tagboard.
Been such a longggg while someone last did. Lol.

Yea, same thing.
Been so busy (and lazy) I couldnt blog.
Ok, just those more significant ones.

Tuesday. July 23, 2008
A lil' girls' get-together session w Mango and Janice after wrk.
Kovan HK Cafe. Most conveniently for me of all. Hehe.
The next round we shall arrange it to be at Compass Point / Pasir Ris eHub ok? V fair!
Anw, even I myself found it amazing how we can keep conversations gg on non-stop. Lol. And I really dont think those 2 short hrs is enough.
But of most time, we talked abt our bfs. As usual. Haha.
End of the day, Eddie and Zm came to pick them. Just to send the 2 blissful lil' ladies hm. How nice!
Well, I dont think anyone will believe if I say this - "I am not envious, not at all." Lol.
But it's ok, Darling said he's gg to protect our country so he couldnt be there just like the 2 of them did. ( Ok la, ~~exaggerating~~ I knw. Just reservice outfield what. :x )
To summarize everythinggg, Im sooo excited they've become my nice new friends! ~~Friends' gfs~~? Not anm. Hehe.
And really looking forward to our nxt ladies' day out (probably nxt weekend), shopping!

Thursday. July 24, 2008
Didnt go for lesson after wrk.
Not lazy, I was ill ! Down w running nose. ~~(Even till now)~~
But most excited of all, Darling's back frm outfield! Hehe.
And I missed him like crazy. Good good time we spent tgt. :)

Saturday. July 25, 2008
Tt's today! (Or rather yest. Past midnight now.)
1/2 day wrk. Darling came and picked me when I knock off. 12:30pm.
Nua-ing in.
Then met the guys (plus Angela and Janice) at Pasir Ris eHub. 10pm if I didnt recall wrongly.
But this time round, there was a plus & a minus of friends ard.
Angela and Janice. From diff cliques of ours (Sam and I). Haha. Cuz Zm joined us today too.
Nice time chatting at Coffee Bean's, then YCK's prata hse.
Got hm 2am and spending some time blogging away now.

Church tmr.
Im very very very excited!
I misssssed gg for svcs.

Am I too emo or what?
But I seriously dont think I am.
All abt a friend's mishap (or so, I'd call it),
I can get all so upset and worried.
Suddenly I feel tt I need someone to talk to.
Suddenly so down.
So disappointed in myself.
What kind of a Christian I am.
All I hope is tt I could help.
Only Daddy is able to, I knw. All so well.

Delivered

Wednesday, July 16, 2008 ♥

Monday. July 14, 2008

Sam's place after I accompanied him for his haircut.
A cool atmosphere I didnt knw he did took note of.

10plus pm. Ty called.
Chatted only for a short while, but I somehow find it really was e right time.

Once again.
We had our serious talk.
"Can you let me fall for you once more and all over again, if you still want to stay by me. Cuz fear's all I have for you now. You're, but just like a stranger to me now."

And tt's when a miracle took place.
A miraculous emotion took me over rather.
Darling's still Darling. <3

Let's keep counting on.
Our 4 month's tale.

~~Tears~~ are over.
All's hopeful once again. :)

09:20pm

Delivered

Monday, July 14, 2008 ♥

Steamboat w Sam at Bugis yest.

Once again, e smiles and casual talks were there.
To prevent a quarrel, to prevent his impatience.

However, I still managed to talk to him abt yest.
And guess what.
He said he knew abt my tears all along.
My nxt question, "Then dont you even care?"
Silence.

High tension on our way hm when I shot him e question:
"What will your first feeling be if I were to initiate a breakup?"
I wasnt trying to threaten him into treating me better.
I really really wanted to knw.
Was it a anger,
was it sadness,
was it a sudden not-used-to-it,
or was it even oh-what-a-pity-we're-done-so-soon ?
Once again, I didnt get an ans. He didnt even want to think abt it and ans me.

Then back his place, his sudden embrace which I didnt manage to hold my tears back again.
Dried my tears for me, but it kept flowing.
And guess what, I think I teared more than 2hrs, even after my shower.
Trust me, I was constantly trying to stop but just couldnt.

And guess what again, tt was what he told me:
"Darling can you just stop crying."
Such a loser I am.
Just what am I to him.

But I've got things to tell him.
And tt's when I experience e feeling of having to swallow words down once they rose to e throat then lips.
It's so miserable. And tt happened for e 2 whole hrs while I kept trying to muster my courage.
I didnt knw how to broach e subject.

"Could you give me some time to think it over and make a decision all over again?
Or you could also choose to let go and not wait."
"What you mean by you need time?"
"You knw what Im talking abt."
"So you're initiating a breakup?"
"No, I just need some time to think it over. I really dont knw whether I've made a right choice choosing you."

Then it goes on and on.
Everything out of my chest.

Until eventually he gave in and putting me into his arms, apologised,
assured me he's gonna give me more of his concern.

But it wasnt his apology I wanted to hear.
Nor his assurance which I still couldnt bring myself to trust.
I still think I needed time alone.
I still am afraid of him. Of his impatience. Of what he's really thinking in his heart. It's too deep I cant fathom.
My heart softened anyway. I gave in anyway.
Though tt wasnt what I wanted.
If only I was more firm.

How I miss those times when he's all tt sweet to me.
When Sam was what I addressed him to be, like everyone else.
When friendship was all tt existed between us, at least on my part.

Delivered

Sunday, July 13, 2008 ♥

Spent e night at Darling's place on Friday.
Half day on Sat and he sent me to and back frm wrk.
Then to Plaza for Suki.
Last min we had company. :)
Eddie & Mango.

Ps thereafter suposedly for a movie.
No suitable timing. :X
So as a result, merely shopped ard and bought a couple of stuff for my office desk.

Met Des and Angela for dinner/supper at S'goon Garden for this sort-of famous western food.
Fish and Chips for all. V inviting, v tasty.
Back Darling's place 11plus pm.

Since when have I become this submissive, this fearful of his impatience?
Been so constantly trying to fight back tears e whole time
all w way since our way back from Ps.
Doesnt he knw.

Was crying so silently lying nxt to him and he's peacefully snoring.
Doesnt he feel it.
Just a casual question, "how come e pillow's wet?"

Been repeatedly asking myself
why am I tolerating quietly w him,
his temper and his insensitivity,
putting up an act a loving couple we are?
Just to prove to myself I've made a right choice against e tides of disapproval.

I want my friendships back again, not just a buddy's gf.
And it's been years since I last cried myself to slp.
And it's nv be because of a guy.

He's gg for his reservice tmr.
And I hope this is a good time I learn how to let go gradually as Sis suggested. Hopefully.

No idea if we're still meeting up today. Maybe still so?

4:00pm

Delivered

Monday, July 07, 2008 ♥

Opps, sorry.. Left out a very-impt update supposedly during this 2-wk period apart.
Darling's bday related.

Wed; 25Jun'08
Darling's 25th bday.
Picked me after wrk then hm for shower.
Then a dinner treat to him at Cafe Cartel's.

(He didnt manage to hide his hungry gloom like I did.)

(Now see his happy and satisfied face.)

V tasty food. And even tastier desserts, which I forgot to even take a pic before it went straight into my watery mouth! My all-time cravings. :)

Then back Darling's void deck where his bestie-best brothers (though some couldnt make it due to wrk/sch/ns) held a short, simple cake-cutting thingy for him.

Sat; 28Jun'08
Another bday thingy held for Darling at Newton Circus.
Although I somehow find it wierd.
A 2-grp, 2-tables wide apart celebration.
Due to ...... :X
~~Unspoken words~~ we both knw.
Would so-loved to sit w e other 2 girls too.. Mango and Jiesi. Hmm.
No pics too. :(

Ok. Tt's all for now.
Gtg!

8:20pm

Delivered

♥

The past wk = Tiring.
As usual.. Wrk, sch, Darling, friends.
And something I doubt I'll forget anytime soon. Tt's one time (or maybe two, in this wk), Darling and I had our heatest quarrel.
Or rather, he ~~reprimanded~~ me e worst in all our 4mths. Wed and Thurs I rmb.
Uh oh, seriously infuriated him and he lost it. But well, this time round I'll have admit I was at fault la. So yea, I initiated an apology after a couple of days' ~~cold war~~.
Like how he always did after he made me angry too. Hmm. It's sometimes good to give and take, though I have to confess tt I still believed firmly in girls'-piority-privillege in the midst of (most) quarrels. :)

Anyway(Ss).
The past weekend = Lovely. :)
A good stay at Darling's place.

Friday. Picked me up after wrk.
Back hm to collect my clothes.
His place,
then Serangoon w Des and Angela for my long-waited prata. :D My fave prata place.
Zzz. 1am.

Saturday. No wrk. Got up 10am and Darling soon bought breakfast back after his meeting.
Slacked in, then to Peninsular Plaza to get Ku his bday gift; a billiard cue.
Afterwhich, to his 21st bday celebration at his place. Buffet was good; I see e guys gg for rounds. Haha.
Anw I liked e strawberry-flavoured cake, was v nice.
But best still, I loved e Mj session! Lol, though I lost $20 ('bill' on Darling).
Back his place, 11pm. Happy bday, Big Mushroom (as quoted by Eddie)! Lol.

Sunday. Joined Darling and the guys at plaza ard 7pm when they're almost done w their usual num ball.
Then last min decided to go for a movie. Weehee. Ehub for dinner at Pastamania.
Then caught the 10:05pm's Wanted. Storyline's sort of unpredictable, and so, quite exciting.
Homed afterwhich.

A real tiring day today.
Not enough rest, due to ~~unexpected~~ ~~noises~~ tt kept me awake till 4am in e morn. :xxx
Got up 6.50am as per normal still.
But at least it was a short day's wrk today la.
On afternoon 1/2 day leave cuz gg for y long-delayed dental appt, 2:30pm.
~~Heavy heavy rain~~ today. Didnt have much cash w me today, but thank God still sufficient for a cab ride (Gateway to Mt E) la.
Then to Dhoby Ghaut to pay sch fees before meeting Mom for early dinner at Kovan.

Yup, and first time in mthsss Im back hm so early today! 6pm lei. :)
So blogging leisurely now and updating some stuff-online.
Anyway(Ss). Wont be seeing Darling these few days I guess. A busy wk for him for e whole of this wrk wk. Thennnnn, off he proceeds back camp for his reserviceeeee ... 19 days I heard. :o Yea~

*PS. I so-miss home-cooked food. Mom's culinary.

07:40pm

Delivered