Thursday, August 31, 2006 ♥
oh, WHAT'S WITH ME.. dumb dream.skipped school again today. partly cuz both sn and sk intended not to attend, so i've decided to follow the majority. lols. serve myself right, ended up that i aint able to sign up for my extra accounts lessons during the hols. asked jessica to help me, but she didnt reply anymore after her 1st msg.. == what now? i dont know. should've gone today. will miss the fixed homeroom system.so dumb!.. how can this be..THE significant month's over after today.adrienne` by Your Grace I stand. ~TAN HUI LING
Tuesday, August 29, 2006 ♥
english paper 2, chinese paper 2. no good i guess. same thing, not much effort. i always have this very uneasy feeling whenever i didnt put in my best for major exams. bad feeling.. o.O hmm, but at least no frustration, unlike those suffocating days during my mid-years. =Dtsk.. grad and prom nights. kinda sian to me. cuz to me, the significant feeling is there only when things take place just once. just like a gift from someone. somehow, i find it much more meaningful to receive one significant gift/card, than to have many gifts put together just to have the price higher. in other words, it's the always feeling that counts, not the valuation nor quantity. ok, a bit too far-fetched. back to the topic. yea, it's insignificant. well, i'll probably just go for one. and i guess it'll be the prom. like so lame, dressed formally, doll yourself up, just for a casual dinner and prize presentation in school?!.. and it'll be like, travel from house to school and back home again. == not even out of the NEL line uh.. oh, nono. i'll most probably attend just the prom. depends la.another weekend soon. might be helping grace out with her 'n' levels this coming sept hols. though im no qualified teacher, i hope i can still help her get through her 'n' smoothly with my 5points achievement last year. =D anyway, i'll try my best la. used to dote on her lots, so naturally, dont want to see her end up in ite. lazy bone, she. ==
Monday, August 28, 2006 ♥
the start of prelims. took my languages paper-ones this morning. was so glad that with a bit of twisting and turning, i was able to fit one of my model essays into section one. so even if the contents werent exactly right, i'll still get my language marks. =D as for section two, im quite sure that i can score a little higher than what i usually do. employed the right method i guess. hehe. am feeling confident! so thankful~ XD
IN CONTRAST, i think i wouldnt do well for my chinese paper one. wasted. i put in effort for my section one alright. just that i screwed up my section two beginning. == so i decided to just carry on with my rubbish. took my time. didnt even reach the 300words required. well, for mt, couldnt really care much la. it's merely the preparation of retaking my mt 'o' levels. cuz im so-called in the safe-zone already. B3. just wanted to retake so that i wont regret forgoing the 2nd chance in future. at the same time, can try scoring better if possible!.. =D
nice nice. thank you Jesus. love you lots for making me love him not. hehe. anyway, simply He-loves-adrienne. im blessed!
Sunday, August 27, 2006 ♥
a fine day today. nice morning. going for service later on to recharge my energy. =)hmm, guess what?.. my Jesus has done the wonders in me. hehe. no longer feel anything for him anymore. real soon uh?.. lols. cuz i actually worshipped Him when i felt so sad last last night after i posted my previous post, instead of crying like a fool. lols. maybe not totally, but it's an amazing thing that he isnt on my mind constantly already. =D anyway, if i sounded as if i was blaming him in my previous post, i hope im able to clarify things now. i wasnt blaming him at all. why would i, right? he's not in any wrong. just felt very upset at myself for not being far-sighted and making the wrong choice for myself so frequently. well, i wont deny the fact that he's a very nice person just because of this incident. =)anyway, gotta memorize the whole of 3 model essays when i come home. == off to church now!.. =D
Saturday, August 26, 2006 ♥
finally i got things confirmed. isnt easy to accept after 4 whole months. not too sure whether im breaking down soon or not. cry like what i've not done for ages? scream? or tell me abt an effective way of letting out the 'grievences' in me. too emotional on my part? no idea. i just hate the idea of making a wrong choice!.. why didnt i choose him, or him?.. they were nice as well. why him, and to realize that i was totally wrong? fine, we werent in a relationship to begin with. and that's the most scary thing. no commitment; he has the right to turn his back anytime. i rmb being so firm in the beginning of the year, telling myself not to get involved in all the stuff relating to feelings. why did my decision waver when he came along?.. it wasnt as if i didnt have a choice! how do you think i should feel when i put aside all few of them, focused on him alone and get this kind of outcome only at the end of 4months? the feeling of being defeated rising in me, i'll tell you. im not looking for a relationship, certainly not. just felt that this shouldnt be what i deserved when i sort of 'gave up' my initial mindset and attention and even kept a distance from those few 'hims' who were supposed to be my friends. yes, there were times i felt happy because of him, but most of the time, melancholic. 4months wasted.anyway, thanks sheena. and im so sorry dene. should've heeded your advice ages ago. i thought i was too smart for your predictions and wanted to prove you wrong. now, the second, the loser.ok, i believe i can overcome this soon, like how Pastor Prince said that sunday; the words my Jesus wanted to say to me, "Carry that dignity with you. I gave it to you." alright, im sure my determination and my PreciousJesus would take me through this soon. not valuable in your eyes? it's ok. Exodus 19:5 -- You will be my TREASURED possession. my Father will see me through. =)
Thursday, August 24, 2006 ♥
science prelims practical today. i guess i flunked. really didnt know what the tests were all about. == but it doesnt really matter much la. just prelims. somehow, i just find the written papers more impt. hehe....... 2nd day, and i think im doing great. keep it up! =D hope things will 'neutralise' itself soon. hmm, gonna spend the rest of today completing ALL my homework. will be energy-consuming..
Wednesday, August 23, 2006 ♥
23aug06 today. look at how time flies. the 4th -august23- i consider significant now. and this is actually the 1st time in these 4 special days of the years that this hope-to-spend-with-him feeling in me has finally faded. no doubt there's still some 'bits and pieces' of feelings towards him i cant erase off in my mind, as clearly as i know i never can.as his reply came in only at 5.52am this morning, i could not get back to slp again. 2 years of losing contact and i finally have that familiar no. in my inbox again. gotta control, i didnt reply his msg. somehow, i just felt this guilt going through me. how could i ever have developed that little bit of THAT intense feelings which i felt for beng, for someone else?.. i thought i said that i'd not feel this way again after beng, at least until i get older. anyway, was really happy when he wished for me to be happy. cuz i tell you, ever since we broke off for the first time, he never bothered abt my feelings much. comforted.was talking to dene this morning. my source of advices and 'qing su de dui xiang'. and i guess his analysis is so true; HE's just being a gentleman here, treating me kindly and not telling me straight in the face that i've been misled all along. but im really thankful for it (serious). save myself the embarrassment.. ok, since that's the case, i shall not dream any further.. had been wishing and wishing. stupid me, now i know. will try my best to stop this absurd feelings now. and i believe i'll be better off this way!.. =) it's either beng, or nothing. if i have to carry on liking beng to stop my feelings for Him, i would. cuz it's so much simpler here. no hopes, no disappointments. anyway, JUST MYSELF will be ideal. =)troublesome. difficult task. i hope i never changed.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006 ♥
once again, i missed school today. am down with flu and a slight sore throat. i wonder why, haven't been feeling well in recent. giddy and nauseous almost every morning and in the evening when i get home.hmm, having steamboat again this evening. omg. have been eating lots these few days. if this goes on, my dieting can never be a diet! having bread almost every morning during recess just trying to slim down. but then again, i always have steamboat and my fav foods on the table in the evening! so naturally, do you think i was not tempted?.. ==it's 22aug06 today.. how?
Monday, August 21, 2006 ♥
took my o levels eng oral today. though i had made quite a "few" blunders, im sure i can depend on Him to at least get a pass! hehe. cuz i know He's faithful. =D well, i guess cyrus did quite well. from my perfect view on the stage, he appeared so confident and his conversation seemed engaging. =D
oh ya, i missed my maths mock test today. was supposed to actually sit for the test only after my oral. but cuz i couldnt find the class, i went home anyway. == ok, i hope i wont get lectured by mrs yoga tmr.erm.. another thing. i finally got the message?.. i used to doubt this many times. but always, i was told this wasnt the case. and i was convinced when things really 'proved' the ppl right. was of course, glad.. whereas now, im somewhat sure that things changed. perhaps it's a good thing cuz since it's not the right season and time, i should forgo this matter. as i've said, all i need is my precious Jesus. but as difficult as it is, everyone should know. it isnt that easy to let go uh?..
Sunday, August 20, 2006 ♥
praise Jesus! im SOOO glad i went for service today! received so much!.. was feeling highly irritated these few days that i even skipped DARE service yesterday just to "recuperate" at home. thank God i chose to go today. my DarlingJesus prepared a wholesome of sermon for me this morning. the whole sermon was His beautiful words for me! I REALLY CANT EXPLAIN THE KIND OF JOY IN ME RIGHT NOW, ppl. all i know is that im right in the centre of His heart! i dont care if aNyOnE treasures me now. all i need is my BeautifulJesus. BE COOL, He said. dont lose the kind of dignity++ He gave me. oh my, i cant tell you just how much i love Him. He's such a great Daddy who gives we girls so much respect. my great Teacher, my great DaddyGod. now that i know THESE, i cant be bothered with anything else anymore. my dear DarlingJesus, love Him to bits! no one else i need, i tell you! =DDDD
Friday, August 18, 2006 ♥
*heavy*mad*annoyed*vexed*irked*provoked*melancholicsimply RED!..not mood swings, there IS a reason.idiotic.
Thursday, August 17, 2006 ♥
what a day. long and tiring hours in school. worst still, the girls are taking their eng orals tmr. it's so sudden can. and it's gonna be my turn soon; next mon. == i hope i have the motivation to start preparing right now.went kim's house right after school. DEBTS piling up.. omg...and i miss him badly. i wonder why. yes, i know he's not for me, but that's this thing with feelings- i cant change them.
--the biggest difference with guys and girls- we place lots of attention on feelings, they dont.*
all the best, girls. =)
Wednesday, August 16, 2006 ♥
missed school again today. but it was really because i woke up late, only at 9.38am, and not because i was lazy to go to school. anyway, it's also a good thing that i can rest another day and complete my homework. =)had a bad day yesterday. school was boring. so dead boring that i almost hated school. well, cuz it's the exam period right now, we're having our fixed classroom system again. compared to the lame homeroom system, i'd prefer this. erm, ok, something 'special' did took place yesterday. all thanks to MR LHH. was so embarrassed. it was as if im attracted to so many other guys in class. == embarrassing joke. haha. indeed something SPECIAL uh?.. lols.hmm, then i was talking to sn and russell in msn. omg, russell actually believed what sn and i were crapping abt. lols. i wasnt afraid he'd spread it, i knew he wouldnt. but the thing is, it was just a joke! haha. [ok, russell, if you're reading this, pls note that that wasnt true! my reputation is at stake. lols. =D] anyway, the conversation was hilarious la.a long time since i last saw sk. when i was in school she wasnt. and when she's there, im right here at home.. == so, i hope she'll come tmr! =D
Sunday, August 13, 2006 ♥
... wanted to blog, but am too lazy to do so. hence, in summary,`chem tuition was great`message was fantastic`eng tuition was alrightand, i guess my original feelings are back.so, on the whole, == + =)strong feelings, indescribable..
Friday, August 11, 2006 ♥
firstly, i received my 'o' level mt results. got a b3. i dont remember putting in any effort for the papers; papers 1, 2 and 3. i seriously thought i did so badly.. didnt trust Him (i admit), but still, He was faithful. i actually got a grade above average. not trying to imply that im smart. cuz i know it's not me, but His grace and favor. i cant explain how, just, to Jesus be ALL the glory. praise Jesus.next, school was ok today. quite a fun ss lesson this morning. just felt a certain joy in me. and i know why. thanks Daddy** =) hmm, just that i was feeling a little sick throughout the hours before recess. nauseous. didnt have dinner last night, so, too empty a stomach i suppose?..right now, confusion in me. listening to the song "ni na me ai ta". it was the song sk and the others were singing during the 2 kbox visits. the lyrics reminded me so intensely of beng. yes, why him? i want to know why too.. honestly, both times at the kbox-s when this song was sung, he appeared in my mind, just that i kept silent abt this. i always thought that he no longer stand THE place in my heart. now, im not even sure. i just want to know where the someone is now..wearying.
Thursday, August 10, 2006 ♥
how boring. have been staying in since yesterday. no doubt i had lots of rest at home, but not quality sleep. suffered the usual insomnia i had since i was young. no idea why. anyway, i was actually supposed to meet coach mel for chem tuition yesterday, but was postponed to today. and then again, postponed to this weekend. as a result, my schedule got messed up, and i spent these 2 days at home in the end. i wouldnt mind if these 2 days were spent fruitfully. as in, to have done all my homework, etc. but im not too sure myself on how i spent the 30plus-hours idling at home. terrible. not touching on any of the huge load of homework i have, no quality time spent on the bible and listening to pastor's msgs. so much time wasted.right now, just waiting for tmr to come badly. i want to go to school! ok, deem yourself fit if you find me unusual. i admit that i disliked school. strangely, i missed it now. ==
Wednesday, August 09, 2006 ♥
went kbox at cineleisure to celebrate cyrus' (belated) birthday yesterday. hmm, not really that engaging for me. cuz i dont actually like places like that. but throughout, i did enjoy some parts of it la. though it was embarrassing when they kept putting cyrus and i together, there was always a special feeling that i aint able to describe. well, the wallet i gave to cyrus, i thought it was too humble a bdae gift to him only after i bought it. but since i've already bought it, i had decided to give it to him anyway. initially, i thought he'd just leave it to rot at home, but he told me he's gonna transfer his stuff into the new wallet when he's home! **i felt happy, cuz he's appreciative. =)
then, we went on to catch the beautiful moments of fireworks at esplanade. and i tell you, we were just on the dot! as the fireworks started, i saw cyrus running to the front. he looked so happy. and funny, jane catched my pace and told me : "eh, your friend's feeling so high leh." LOL! i cant describe the way she said this. it was so funny can! well, the place was extremely packed. but we managed to squeeze all the way into the crowd and got a better view. =D beautiful is what i can say! and when the thing ended, the crowd cheered and clapped. i felt so proud to be a s'porean then. although so many agree that s'poreans have so few good values and only speak with the "lahs, lors, lehs", i think that it's already a proud thing that we are able to celebrate our country's bdae together in unity!=))
ok, then off we went to "lau ba sat". played games and executed forfeits. and it was disgusting!! i swallowed pig's intestines ok! i dont understand why some ppl love it. just imagine the yellowish dirts not removed! omg. anyway, it was fun la. XD
hmm.. at the end of the day, i must say that it was enjoyable. i know that a few years later when i look back, there'll be good memories that i can recollect. thanks, my friends.. =)
Sunday, August 06, 2006 ♥
was listening to this song and realized that the lyrics reflected my feelings inside so well. since a blog is for me to express my personal thoughts and feelings, ppl, bear with me. here are the lyrics :im held by your love
upheld by your strength
on your shoulders you bore me
by your grace i stand
cherished by you, Lord
treasured in your sight
so close to your heart
held firm in your hand
so awesome is your love
so mighty is your hand
on eagles wings, you carry me
your grace shall be my strength
so perfect is your love
you sacrificed your son
amazing love reached out to me
with joy to you i come
not by my wisdom
not by my strength
gently you guide me
total surrender
Jesus i am yours
now and forever
.....it's so true. Jesus i am yours. never will i change.
Friday, August 04, 2006 ♥
just returned from school now. didnt manage to go tmp yesterday, so will be heading there with kim and sk later on. i hope i'll still have sufficient time to get everything done before monday comes.
was thinking abt those fools who had lost their hps and reported to the school. how foolish of them to have brought their phones and not keep them by their sides when they leave their bags. as a result, they brought trouble to the school. ALL our bags had to be checked twice - once after recess and once at the school gate after school. if we weren't that alert, our STUFF would have been confiscated. and it'll be all thanks to them.
anyway, i was kinda touched when brien tried to hide sk's stuff for her just now. we were supposed to assemble in the hall and a bag-checking session was to be conducted. we had our phones with us. then as i've mentioned, brien wanted to hide sk's stuff with him. when she refused, he tried to snatch from her. oh well, to simplify the scenario, he was sacrificial.. and determined that he'd be the one who got caught on behalf of sk. =) hmm, sounds simple? i dont think everyone can do it selflessly anyway..
ok, im done blogging. meeting the girls soon! =D
Thursday, August 03, 2006 ♥
a busy day. will be meeting coach mel later on to do some revision on chem. she's a chem teacher, so i guess it'll be fruitful and so full of His grace. praise God for her help! =) ..before that, will have to go tpm to get something done. sk's recommendation.anyway, i had an interesting day yesterday. while sn and niz didnt come, it was a lil' boring in the morning. then after school, the group of us celebrated junxiong's actual bdae in the canteen. it was hilarious! junxiong had to blow the candles from a distance, and his expression was funny! then they had a candle pushed all the way to the bottom of the SUMPTUOUS cake for the bdae boy to get it out with his MOUTH. though disgusting, his method was so funny can! everyone there was either laughing or, the meek ones, giggling. LOLs. then the notorious-for-such-things jiahao "slammed" the cake up onto junxiong's face while he was biting into the cake. oh gosh! i was so shocked. i didnt know that he would play the mess with such a costly cake! but well, it was fun la. so i didnt mind. XD then in the end, it was like, we paid for the mess. haha. we became servants after they played around with the smashed cake. most of them were dirty all over. fortunately, i didnt get much. just a lil' on my nose. THANKS, SK* lols...... then sk and i proceeded to kim's house. we cleared her UNTIDY table for her and i sewed the thread up on sk's little soft toy hanging on her phone. HOW GOOD I FELT! hehe. slacked there for a while, and honestly, i enjoyed. it was so nice talking to them. =))
Tuesday, August 01, 2006 ♥
hmm... went for the DARE study seminar last sat (29/7). sitting right at the back, i couldnt see a thing on the screen. but im still glad i went la. at least i managed to get some studying tips from the coaches who spoke. well, but the ultimate thing is that pastor dan actually remembered me! lols. we knew each other right when i was in sec 1 as my bro was the FAMOUS SMALL ABEL in tzt. practically everyone knew him. =D and when i entered tzt, i became known as "abel's sis". during my sec 2 year, he counselled me twice. anyway, he spoke to me la.ok, so after the seminar, i went to the 'rice table' to have dinner with the BIG group of ppl who were also there to celebrate junxiong's birthday. many of whom were those i didnt really interacted with before - mere acquaintances, or either, strangers to me. but sheena and the others were there too. so it was actually not as bored as i thought it would turn out to be. ANYWAY, for almost half the evening, they were teasing both cyrus and i. yes, i was embarrassed. but not to the extend of blushing! the lightings of the restaurant was dim, that's all. but they insisted that my face was RED. and i swear it wasnt! ... on the whole, i must say that i enjoyed, though the dinner wasnt really tasty to me.
