last night HE called me. just like before, his voice seemed so tender. even if i dont have his no. stored in my phone, i would have known it was him. was so startled when he called. didnt expect to be him, thought it would be jasmine. he asked me if i still hated him. it's wierd, so wierd... i thought i hated him. i seriously thought i did. but i said NO, no more hatred. and really didnt expect myself to speak to him so nicely. i could have just use sarcasm on him, but i didnt.
instead, what i felt was like... my old friend, just an old friend, calling me. recollected memories. from the very first time we met when he 'saved' me, to our final breakup. and he said that those were all well-kept in his heart. frankly speaking, the most memories i had, was with him, good and bad. he was my bf, my 'head', my mentol and even a teacher to me. he taught me everything. from stepping out of my phobia to smoking and fighting. also through him, i saw lots of things i never knew. and again because of him, i suffered the most pressurized relationship i ever had, and my worst humiliation. my history was all related to him, and my life, so changed because of him. so am i supposed to hate him?
well, he denied starting those rumors. truthfully, i wasnt really convinced. but i couldnt really be bothered to think abt it anymore cuz it was all in the past already. didnt want to think that much for fear that when those memories come back, feelings come back as well. how hard it was for me to put beng behind, i cant afford to feel for him again. anyway, he asked for me to return to him. i told him it's impossible. yea, i know it's definitely impossible, so didnt want to give false hopes. i want to start life afresh, and possibly, with my old friends inside. yes, i miss those memories, but it also daunts me to think abt them again.
