Saturday, August 26, 2006 ♥
finally i got things confirmed. isnt easy to accept after 4 whole months. not too sure whether im breaking down soon or not. cry like what i've not done for ages? scream? or tell me abt an effective way of letting out the 'grievences' in me. too emotional on my part? no idea. i just hate the idea of making a wrong choice!.. why didnt i choose him, or him?.. they were nice as well. why him, and to realize that i was totally wrong? fine, we werent in a relationship to begin with. and that's the most scary thing. no commitment; he has the right to turn his back anytime. i rmb being so firm in the beginning of the year, telling myself not to get involved in all the stuff relating to feelings. why did my decision waver when he came along?.. it wasnt as if i didnt have a choice! how do you think i should feel when i put aside all few of them, focused on him alone and get this kind of outcome only at the end of 4months? the feeling of being defeated rising in me, i'll tell you. im not looking for a relationship, certainly not. just felt that this shouldnt be what i deserved when i sort of 'gave up' my initial mindset and attention and even kept a distance from those few 'hims' who were supposed to be my friends. yes, there were times i felt happy because of him, but most of the time, melancholic. 4months wasted.anyway, thanks sheena. and im so sorry dene. should've heeded your advice ages ago. i thought i was too smart for your predictions and wanted to prove you wrong. now, the second, the loser.ok, i believe i can overcome this soon, like how Pastor Prince said that sunday; the words my Jesus wanted to say to me, "Carry that dignity with you. I gave it to you." alright, im sure my determination and my PreciousJesus would take me through this soon. not valuable in your eyes? it's ok. Exodus 19:5 -- You will be my TREASURED possession. my Father will see me through. =)
