Wednesday, August 23, 2006 ♥
23aug06 today. look at how time flies. the 4th -august23- i consider significant now. and this is actually the 1st time in these 4 special days of the years that this hope-to-spend-with-him feeling in me has finally faded. no doubt there's still some 'bits and pieces' of feelings towards him i cant erase off in my mind, as clearly as i know i never can.as his reply came in only at 5.52am this morning, i could not get back to slp again. 2 years of losing contact and i finally have that familiar no. in my inbox again. gotta control, i didnt reply his msg. somehow, i just felt this guilt going through me. how could i ever have developed that little bit of THAT intense feelings which i felt for beng, for someone else?.. i thought i said that i'd not feel this way again after beng, at least until i get older. anyway, was really happy when he wished for me to be happy. cuz i tell you, ever since we broke off for the first time, he never bothered abt my feelings much. comforted.was talking to dene this morning. my source of advices and 'qing su de dui xiang'. and i guess his analysis is so true; HE's just being a gentleman here, treating me kindly and not telling me straight in the face that i've been misled all along. but im really thankful for it (serious). save myself the embarrassment.. ok, since that's the case, i shall not dream any further.. had been wishing and wishing. stupid me, now i know. will try my best to stop this absurd feelings now. and i believe i'll be better off this way!.. =) it's either beng, or nothing. if i have to carry on liking beng to stop my feelings for Him, i would. cuz it's so much simpler here. no hopes, no disappointments. anyway, JUST MYSELF will be ideal. =)troublesome. difficult task. i hope i never changed.
