Friday, August 24, 2007 ♥
23august just passed again.
e 5th significant one for me.
every yr, i'll get a chance of saying something to him this time. this yr, surprisingly, only after i lose this sense of can-still-reach-him, i'd like to make it not so brief unlike e last 4 yrs.
but it's impossible now.
and tt's wad i fear as this date draws near. to accept tt he's not there anm, forever. :(it's difficult.
well, it's over.not sure if this farewell thing's still gg on. so few ppl to ask, and even less are gg.even if it means for only edy and i w Jack, i'll still be there. :) just no idea if Jack still wants this gg on w. :Xreading e mails in my tp mailbox, i can tell you i still miss PID alot. ALOT.i really hate to give up on it halfway you knw.when ppl ask me if im decided on withdrawing, firmly i say i am. but inside, im still battling w it. it's no easy task to give up something halfway when im alrdy started on it. my friends, my course of study, my previous efforts, my proud status as a young designer, and a yr wasted.but bcuz reality tells me tt im not suitable for this, i have to. i fear more of hanging on till e 2nd or even e 3rd yr before i make this decision.do you knw tt even in e senior cohort, we alrdy have abt 1/3 who left? either they failed or they've withdrawn. im afraid. esp when i see my friends, in all their passion, completing their wrk on time, with me at e opp border still trying to balance.ppl dont understand. they think im wildfully wasting e fees with which since im not e one paying for, my dad is.studying isnt to earn big bucks in future. interest is wad keeps us gg, pastor said. so wad's most impt isnt to not-waste e sem's fees and time, but to really find out our field of interest. dont you agree?at least my Daddy does. :) i rmb e other time andrie was rebuking me on this (tt i shldnt withdraw), Daddy dropped swt words in me. "It's okay if e world thinks the worst of You. I think e best of You, Precious." can you imagine tt! was feeling terrible dealing w rebukes when His words of strength came straight into me, telling me He's on my side and tt's when all others doesnt at all matter. amen w tt! :Dokay, since i've stopped gg, it means a decision made and im in no position to return now even if i find this a wrong one. i cant regret. :o
